Jealous? Good. Here’s How to Use It.

jennysmithmattfeldt
May 31
3 min read

What Your Jealousy Is Actually Trying to Tell You & How to Use it to Your Advantage

By Jenny Smith Mattfeldt | Published May 31, 2025

Envy. Spite. Green-eyed monster. Whatever you call it, jealousy has always been surrounded by negative connotations. We’re taught to bury it, feel guilty about it, or pretend it doesn’t exist. But we're looking at the emotion all wrong.

It’s time to reframe jealousy. Because when you feel that pang—when you see a friend posting from a European vacation, a coworker driving your dream car, or someone your age running their own company—that feeling isn’t something to shame or suppress.

It’s a signal.

W. Gerrod Parrott a Georgetown professor who researches human emotions likes to focus on envy because as he describes it "Even though it doesn’t feel good to be angry or jealous or what have you, the emotions are at least potentially useful ones in certain situations."

That twinge of jealousy is your subconscious raising a flag and whispering, “Ooh, I want that.” It’s not a moral failure. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It's one of the most honest emotions we experience and it puts the spotlight on something you haven't allowed yourself to want. It just means there's something in that person’s experience that you crave on some level—maybe consciously, maybe not.

Your only job is to notice it and get curious. Don’t let it spiral into comparison or judgment. Use it as data. Let it point you toward what you truly want—so you can actually go get it.

How to Use Jealousy to Your Advantage:

Use Envy as a Compass

Envy usually points directly to what you want. If someone’s lifestyle, success, body, or confidence makes your stomach twist, pay attention. It’s your subconscious saying, “I want that too.”

Turn it into action:

Ask yourself: What exactly am I envious of? Be specific.
Then: What’s one small step I can take toward that today?

Let Jealousy Show You Your Insecurities

Jealousy often comes up when we feel threatened—like someone else is taking what we deserve. This emotion is all about perceived scarcity.

Use it to identify your pain points:

Are you scared you’re not good enough?
Do you feel replaceable or overlooked?
Do you not trust that there’s enough success/love/attention to go around?

Transform Comparison into Curiosity

Instead of spiraling into “why her, not me?”, shift to “how did she do it?” or “what can I learn from this?” The people who trigger you might actually be your best expanders.

Try this:

DM the person and ask them a genuine question.
Study their path. What systems, habits, or decisions got them there?
Use that as inspiration, not a reason to self-judge.

Let It Fuel Your Fire

Sometimes a little “I’ll show you” energy is exactly what you need to break through. Channel jealousy into drive—not bitterness.

Make it your silent motivator:

Build that business. Level up your look. Ask for the raise.
Don’t just sit in the emotion—move with it.

green background with a sign that says jealous

Check the Mirror

This one’s tough love: If you’re constantly envious, it might be time to evaluate how much effort you’re really putting in. Envy can highlight where you’ve been playing small or waiting for permission.

Ask yourself honestly:

Am I showing up the way I want to?
Where am I hiding when I should be going after it?

Envy isn’t a character flaw. It’s a flashlight. It shines on your unmet desires, unresolved wounds, and untapped potential. Instead of burying it, interrogate it.