Letting Go of Others' Opinions

Using December to Build Momentum For 2025

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By JENNY SMITH MATTFELDT Published December 23, 2024

Welcome back to the Do Not DECsturb series! The last four weeks of the year often get written off with the mindset that we’ll “start fresh on January 1st.” But let’s flip the script, what if you walked into the new year already feeling accomplished, clear, and full of momentum? That’s the inspiration behind this series. Over the next four weeks, we’ll reflect on where we are, uncover and tackle limiting beliefs that might be holding us back, and begin crafting a vision for the 2025 we truly want to live.

As we work on creating our futures and manifesting our dream lives, there's often some baggage we need to let go of along the way. One of the biggest things that subconsciously holds many of us back is the fear of what others might think. The truth is, we can’t fully step into the life we want if we’re constantly measuring our choices against the expectations of others. I can't tell you how many times I've heard, "Jenny, you really don't seem to care what others think," and honestly, I don't, but that mindset is very much by design. Yes, being a weird kid gave me a head start when it comes to ignoring others' opinions, but more importantly I’ve consciously cultivated that trait because it’s a superpower.

Here’s the thing: at the end of your life, you’re not going to care if you kept everyone happy. What will matter is whether you held yourself back because you were too worried about what others might think.

Don't Believe Your First Thought

This might seem obvious, but it was such a lightbulb moment for me: we don’t have to believe our first thoughts. You are not at the mercy of your thoughts, we get to have a say in what thoughts we have. When a thought pops into your head, whether it’s positive or negative, you don’t have to accept it as truth. Our thoughts aren’t always facts, but they are the starting point for everything, which is why it’s so important to be mindful of them. When that first thought of insecurity or worry about what others might think creeps in, pause, take a breath, and give yourself a moment to question why you are having this thought.

Did you grow up feeling like you were responsible for other people’s feelings? Did someone embarrass you in a similar situation? Are you just being mean to yourself right now? Is there a better thought you could have instead? That doesn’t mean every thought has to be positive, sometimes, just making them neutral instead of negative is enough. Shifting your perspective even slightly can create space for growth, self-compassion, and clarity, allowing you to move forward without being weighed down by unnecessary negativity.

Stop Thinking About Yourself So Much

This might come off blunt, but stop thinking about yourself so much. Your life will change the moment you realize nobody is thinking about you as much as you’re thinking about yourself. You have to zoom out, it’s so easy to get caught in an anxious spiral when you’re too close to the problem. Take a step back, and I mean really zoom out. I like to visualize it: picture yourself, then zoom out to your house, your town, your state, the country, the Earth, the galaxy. We are so, so small in the grand scheme of things, and to be frank, it doesn’t matter if other people don’t approve of your decisions.

It’s a big world and their opinions don’t hold nearly as much weight as you're giving them. Are they paying your bills? Are they responsible for your happiness? At the end of the day, are they the ones who have to live with your choices? No, you are. So why let their opinions steer your life?

Interrupt the Thought Pattern

Breaking up those old thought patterns can be tough because it takes time. Pattern interrupts are powerful tools for breaking negative thought loops and rewiring your mindset. Techniques like EFT tapping are especially effective for clearing embarrassing memories or past moments that keep replaying in your mind. Your brain genuinely can’t distinguish between a memory and a visualization, which means those cringe-worthy moments you lie awake thinking about? They’re prime EFT fuel. Tap on them, erase them, rewrite them, you don’t need to carry them anymore. If you want to get a little woo woo with it write down all of those thoughts you want to let go of on a piece of paper and burn it.

Other pattern interrupts can be just as transformative. Try the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique to shift your focus into the present moment or use box breathing (Navy Seal approved anxiety and insomnia trick) to calm your nervous system. Even something as simple as working on a new replacement thought and then quickly switching to something funny like a cute animal video can disrupt the mental loop. Your brain thrives on patterns, but it’s just as capable of creating new, healthier ones when you take control and interrupt the old ones.

As Within, So Without

At the core of this whole conversation is the fact that people aren’t judging you nearly as much as you think they are. When you see others, do you automatically judge them and pick them apart? Probably not, most of us are too distracted by our own stuff to spend that much energy on others. And if you do find yourself thinking really mean things about people, that’s a bigger issue to work on, because it’s not the norm. Most good people don’t operate that way, and if you catch yourself doing it, it’s worth reflecting on why.

Here’s a secret about human psychology that’s not always easy to hear: what we judge in others often reflects something we don’t like about ourselves. As within, so without.

If loud, confident girls annoy you, it might be a sign to work on your own self-confidence. If you’re constantly critiquing others’ weight, it’s likely time to release that judgment toward your own body. It goes the other direction too, any judgement you may 'feel' from others is often just a reflection of your own insecurities. These judgments are usually mirrors, revealing unresolved feelings or fears we haven’t addressed. The good news? Noticing them is a powerful opportunity for self-reflection and growth.

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I hope these tips, tricks, and insights can help you begin letting go of the weight others' opinions. It’s human nature to care about what people think of us, but we also have the responsibility to keep it in check when it starts holding us back. Remember to have a little grace for yourself, because rewiring your brain is hard work, and you’re doing it. Celebrate the small shifts along the way and know that each step forward is progress.