Decode Anyone: 5 Secret Body Language Red Flags You’ll Never Be Able to Unsee

Straight from a body language expert Vanessa Van Edwards—these subtle signs can expose what they’re really thinking (or hiding)

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By Jenny Smith Mattfeldt | Published May 29, 2025

Vanessa Van Edwards, body language expert and self-proclaimed "recovering awkward person," recently joined Khloe Kardashian on the Khloe in Wonderland podcast—and what she revealed about nonverbal cues was low key game-changing.

These signals aren’t just about better communication. They’re about knowing what someone’s really thinking, even if they’re trying to hide it. Whether you want to refine your own presence or start catching subtle red flags in the wild, these top five expert-backed signals will give you an edge.

Leaks: When the Body Tells on the Words

These are subtle head movements—like nodding or shaking your head—that contradict what’s being said aloud. For example, someone might say “Sure, that sounds great” while slightly shaking their head no. It’s one of the most common ways our subconscious gives us away.

If you’re watching closely, these micro-mismatches can tell you when someone doesn’t fully mean what they’re saying. Use it to tune into the truth—especially in moments when the stakes feel high.

The Contempt Smirk: The #1 Divorce Predictor

Dr. John Gottman (yes, the relationship guru) found that the presence of contempt in a relationship is the single most accurate predictor of divorce—with 93% accuracy. He could even predict it just by watching a muted video of the couple.

The physical sign? A one-sided smirk. It might look subtle, but it’s heavy with meaning. Contempt says, “I think I’m better than you.” And unlike other emotions, it tends to stick around. If you spot this expression—on a date, at work, in a friendship—take it seriously.

Lip Pursing: The Universal “I’m Holding Back”

Pressed lips signal hesitation, secrecy, or restraint. It's a nonverbal way of saying, "I probably shouldn't say this" or "I'm not telling you everything."

In conversation, if someone suddenly presses their lips together or purses them mid-sentence, it might mean they’re debating whether to speak honestly—or at all. Want to get more out of them? Make them feel safer or ask a follow-up with curiosity, not confrontation.

Toe Talk: Who’s Really Into You (Or Totally Over It)

Most of us know to watch people’s faces—but the feet? That’s where the sneaky good stuff lives. Toes tend to point toward the person we’re most drawn to. Want to spot office crushes at the holiday party? Look where the shoes are facing. In conversation, if someone’s feet are turned away from you, they may already be mentally checked out.

On the flip side: you can use this trick yourself. Turn your toes slightly away when you’re ready to exit a conversation—your body will do the talking for you.

Warmth vs. Competence: Which Signal Are You Sending?

Every gesture we make tends to fall into one of two categories: warmth (trust, likability) or competence (credibility, reliability).

For example:

• A slow, triple nod = warmth. It even makes people talk 67% longer.

• A head tilt = warm and engaged.

• Strong eye contact = shows competence and confidence.

• Taking up space = signals competence and authority.

Use these cues intentionally. Want to appear approachable? Lean into warmth gestures. Need to command respect? Balance them with competence cues.

Bonus: Spicy Extras from the Expert

• Hand gestures = honesty. The brain gives 12.5x more weight to gestures than words. If you want to be seen as confident and believable, let your hands speak.

• Want to avoid being interrupted? Say, “I have three quick things to share,” and count them out on your fingers. Seeing the countdown makes people wait.

• Women prefer face-to-face. Men tend to bond more side-by-side.

• Gut check for friendships: If you sigh when you see someone’s name pop up or see them on your calendar…that’s a sign.

Vanessa also dropped some gold around personality questions that help you spot you own self narrative:

• Ask yourself: “Do you want to go to Vegas?”

  • Extrovert: “YES!”

  • Introvert: “Let’s stay home and watch a show about Vegas.”

  • Ambivert (in the middle): “Maybe—who’s going, when is it, do I have time to pack?”

• Ask yourself: “Am I a lucky person?”

  • Hero mindset: “Yes. Life’s been hard, but I’ve pushed through.”

  • Victim mindset: “No. Life’s been hard and nothing helps.”

These aren’t just party tricks. They’re tools. Use them to protect your energy, elevate your presence, and get clear on what’s really being said.

And the next time someone says they’re fine while shaking their head no? You’ll know better.

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