You Are Your First Love: How to Romanticize Self Love This Valentine's Day
- jennysmithmattfeldt
- Feb 13
- 3 min read
Updated: Mar 10
By JENNY SMITH MATTFELDT Published February 13, 2025
I love Valentine’s Day, I really do. And it’s not something that started when I met my husband or began dating. I’ve just always loved it. I think the holiday gets a bad rap because it’s marketed as this big romantic moment, where if you don’t have a date you’re somehow a loser. But here’s my take: whether you’re happily married, adamantly single, or dating five different guys, Valentine’s Day should first and foremost be about your love affair with yourself.
At the end of the day, the longest relationship you’ll ever have is with you, and hopefully, it’s one of the most rewarding. This week, someone sent me a picture of myself from grade school, and I couldn’t help but think about how ecstatic she’d be to see where she is now. Living in a new state, writing, adventuring, she would lose her mind. So how can we romanticize that relationship this year?
Complete Honesty Over a Couple Dirty Martinis
I want you to sit with these questions, journal them, think on them, whatever feels right. Just picture me sitting across from you after a couple of dirty martinis (desperately wish this was reality) asking you these with zero judgment. Be completely honest with yourself.
If you were the main character in a movie (which, let’s be real, you are), what would the audience be screaming at you to do?
What’s one thing younger you would lose her mind over if she knew you were doing it now?
If you had to romanticize your life today, how would you describe it like a scene in a novel? The sun, the perfect iced coffee, the outfit, the friends, all of it.
What’s something you know would make your life better but you keep avoiding? (And why?)
If you treated yourself the way you treat someone you’re absolutely in love with, what would change?
What do you secretly know you’re amazing at but downplay?
What kind of energy do you want to bring into every room you walk into?
If future you wrote you a letter thanking you for something you did today, what would she say?
What’s something you thought you needed from other people, but could actually give yourself? Maybe this is validation, closure, being proud of yourself?
If your highest, most magnetic self gave you advice right now, what would she say? Don't overthink it what's the first thing your intuition says?
Romanticize the Day
Start the day with something indulgent. Grab an iced coffee from your favorite café, make an extra-fancy breakfast, or wear your best perfume, just because.
Take yourself on a Valentine’s date. Go get a blowout, book a massage, or take yourself to lunch with a glass of wine and a book.
Buy yourself flowers. No waiting around for someone else, pick out a gorgeous bouquet that makes you smile.
Write yourself a love letter. What do you love about who you are right now? What are you proud of? What would you tell your younger self? Might feel corny at first but your subconscious will love this.
Wear something that makes you feel hot. Whether it’s a killer outfit, a pretty lingerie set under your sweats, or just actually getting ready for the day, own it.
Romanticize a night in. Light candles, make an incredible dinner, pour yourself a glass of wine, and put on a nostalgic early 2000's rom-com.
Spread the love. Call your mom, text your best friend, or send a heartfelt message to someone who’s always been there for you. Love isn’t just romantic, it’s in the friendships and connections that make life sweeter.
Treat yourself to something small but special. A little luxury, maybe a new lipstick, that fancy skincare or perfume you’ve been eyeing, or dessert from your favorite bakery.
Create a V-Day tradition just for you. Maybe it’s ordering a heart-shaped pizza, taking a solo sunset walk, or writing out your goals for the year ahead, something that makes the day feel special for you, regardless of who else you're celebrating with.
Hope you have the sweetest Valentine's Day.
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