The Magnetic Woman's Playbook: 9 Ways to Own the Room
- jennysmithmattfeldt
- 9 hours ago
- 4 min read
tactics and tools to show up as your most confident, charismatic self
Turn it on. Your energy, that is.
Walking into a room as the most confident, magnetic version of yourself comes down to remembering this: you are not at the will of other people, the energy you’re walking into, or even how your day was going up to that point. You are consciously in control of how you show up the moment you walk through the door. You are in control of your energy.
So here are 9 researched and proven ways to enter any room with more charisma, more confidence, and a level of magnetism you can switch on at any time.
01/09 Damon West Be a Coffee Bean
The energy you’re looking for is inside of you, not somewhere external. Damon West tells it like this: when you put a potato in boiling water, it becomes soft. When you toss in an egg, it becomes hard. But when you add a coffee bean, it changes the water so be a coffee bean. You are in charge of setting the tone when you walk into a room, not the other way around. We don’t wait to see how the people in the room will affect us, we intentionally decide who we want to show up as then we show up as that person no matter the scenario.
02/09 Put the Room in Your Pocket
When you walk into a room visualize picking up each corner of the room and putting it in your pocket. This allows your energy to expand to the room. (This goes double if it’s somewhere you are nervous to be.) You own this room, it’s in your pocket. You’re subconsciously showing your brain, I don’t need to be nervous this room is mine.
02/09 The Popularity Study
A must-watch clip. They did extensive studies to find out what makes kids in school popular and the one trait they found across the board: they liked the most people. When they were walking down the hallways they were excited to say hi to their friends. They liked more people.
This doesn’t just end in school but our curiosity in how we approach others sometimes does. We get so focused on how we look, how we act, if anybody saw what we just did, that we don’t realize most people are too busy wondering the same thing about themselves to notice. Approach others with curiosity. Be excited to learn about them, go out of your way to say hi to people. Let yourself be a fan of others. People like people who like people.
03/09 Activate Your Mom Switch
Let me preface by saying you in no way have to be a mom or even a woman to take this approach. If you’ve ever experienced social anxiety you’ll probably already know there’s this phenomenon called the “mom switch.” You’re too nervous to do something but if your friend is too anxious to do it, you suddenly feel okay with it and can easily do it for them.
Acknowledging that others are probably anxious too helps you to zoom out and see the bigger picture. When it seems in service of others, it can be easier to approach.
So if you’re hesitant to walk into a room:
Remember people are probably thinking about themselves, not you.
Think about how you can be helpful to someone in that room. Take the focus off yourself.
04/09 The Doorway Portal
Brendan Burchard has this technique called a motivation trigger. He attaches the physical action of walking through a doorway to a motivation such as: I am a happy man entering this room or I walk through this doorway ready to serve. Wire it into your brain that when you walk through this doorway you arrive as someone who [insert what you want to bring to the room]. It’s just one more tool to consciously curate who you’re showing up as.
05/09 Slow it Down by 10%
Most people speed up when they’re nervous; talking, walking, reacting, you name it. Charismatic people tend to do the opposite. They move a bit slower. You might take an extra beat before responding, you might walk with more confidence, you might let there be silence without rushing to fill it. It instantly reads as confidence just in the way you’re responding and carrying yourself.
06/09 Love That Eye Contact
Make eye contact half a second longer than feels natural. Not in a creepy way, toe the line babe. Most people break eye contact too early because they’re uncomfortable. If you hold it a touch longer than maybe your anxiety wants you to you seem more present, more grounded, and in turn, people feel more seen. That’s the whole game here honestly, people feel good around you = you are seen as more charismatic.
07/09 Break the Ice Like Hillary Duff
Be the one who breaks the first five seconds of awkward. You are a confident, capable woman. Make eye contact, introduce yourself, and be excited to meet people. Most rooms feel weird at first, watching Hillary Duff here is a master class in confidence: say hi first, make the first compliment, smile, be genuinely excited to meet people, and you will never leave without a friend. Remember, people like people who like people.
08/09 Know Their Name
So simple but wildly underused: use people’s names throughout the conversation. It shows attention, warmth, social awareness, and as an added bonus, it helps you remember their name for next time. Just an easy way to help people feel instantly more connected to you.
09/09 Dress Your Part
The fashion girls have been trying to tell us this. I am sure at some point in your life you have heard, “dress for the job you want” or on a more intimate level, have you ever shown up somewhere and felt so uncomfortable in your outfit you couldn’t relax? It’s all true. In psychology they call it Enclothed Cognition, which basically means the clothing someone wears directly influences your mental processes, emotions, and behaviors. It's actually to the point that students tested better on exams if they were wearing white doctors’ coats. Finding clothes that you actually feel sexy and confident in isn’t vain; it’s a necessity if you want to show up in your full power.
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